Ash Wednesday is just 2 days away, y'all, and I am so not ready! Since my job is running the office in a Catholic Church, this is the BUSY season for me! Most people assume it's Christmas, which is also very full, but Easter is the Main Event, and the various goings on of Holy Week require a lot of planning & preparation on my part.
Matthew 6:34 has always been one of my favorite bible verses:"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day had enough trouble of its own." I've had an anxious soul since the day I was born. Like, no joke, I can remember worrying when I was in elementary school about how I would pay a mortgage when I grew up! I worry about smaller things, too, every day, and I get quite anxious about stuff if I can't stop the worry in its tracks. I even get physically ill whenever I'm mentally/emotionally sick - I sometimes get headaches, and I almost always get nauseated & throw up. My mother used to always tell me to "let go and let God" and I swear I tried... but I just always found myself taking stuff back from Him, to worry over it some more.
My struggles with worry & anxiety have only gotten worse over these last few months, as I find myself waking up everyday to fear of the unknown, worry about the future, and anxiety over the situation I find myself in. I've been nauseated almost daily, and I've had 3 complex migraine episodes (which are usually few & far between, thank God). As I've mentioned before, I've been praying a LOT, asking God for peace & patience, and it does help a bit... but I still find myself getting panicky more often than I would prefer.
In my internet searching for resources to help me navigate my current difficulties, I stumbled across this article about giving up worry for Lent. At first, I was like, "yeah right! How can I give up an intangible thing like that, something that is so ingrained in who I am?" But as I read the article, I realized it's not necessarily giving up worry, but rather focusing on things I can control & on the current moment, and letting God handle the unknown. I might still get a little stressed over how Aidan's friends are interacting with him at daycare today, or spend more than a few minutes wondering how I'm going to pay the bills due this week... but I'm going to try very, very hard not to let anxiety about my unknown future and what might be coming down the pike get me to the panicky point where I so frequently find myself.
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